Game of Life

It has been awhile since I've written, which is ironic, considering all the fun new things going on in my life as of late. There have been many times that I have thought to write about an event or incident, but was so busy I never got to it, and then moved on to wanting to write about something else.

Therefore the next few entries will probably be a smattering of random thoughts and events that I have had since I started school again. But before I get into that, I want to share a story of something that happened right before I started my new program. An event that, I believe, was both symbolic as well as indicative of not only my past, but of things to come.

It started with a board game.

Yes. A board game. The board came called Life. You remember that one, right? You start off as a tiny pink or blue peg in a little car, you spin the wheel, and hope to end up at "millionaire acres". You can make choices about college, career etc but truth be told, most of the game is left up to chance and the spin of the wheel and/or draw of the cards. There are stops to get married, places you land to have children, and buy a house, etc. You can land on drawing "life tiles" which you keep face down. When you turn them over, there are various accomplishments on the back and an accompanying dollar amount. They range from things like the winning the Nobel Prize, to reading to your child. At the end of the game you get to turn them over and see all the many cool things you accomplished in your life, and collect the associated dollar amounts.

This past August I had gone home to my parent's house and we decided to play said game together. It turns out...that I am a disaster at Life. ( please avoid taking the easy shot. I'm about to say it for you anyways...) I kept landing on things that made me lose my turn like flat tires and car accidents ( how ironic....) and I was spinning more ones and twos than were statistically conceivable. By the time I finished school, both of my parents were easily half way through the game, and when I finally got to the "Get married" square, my parents were 3/4 of the way to the end. ( Again. Resist. Don't worry. It's comin'.) I lost my job twice, lived in the cheapest house that I could get, and had to take about a billion turns to finish off the game once my parents reached the end. I thought for sure I was in dead last place for the game.

However, when we finally added everything up, I had actually won the game. And not just by little...I had slaughtered them both. I was completely shocked. It might sounds stupid and corny, but I immediately thought of several analogies to the real game of life ( at least...MY game of life....)

Yes. Sometimes I am a disaster at REAL life, too. Did I say sometimes?...I meant...something else... like kinda always. ( phew. said it. you can now exhale.) Sometimes I feel like a total "mess in a dress". And I'm sure that that viewpoint is shared by many. I am STILL in school. I'm getting a SECOND masters. In order to accommodate an internship and an honors program, undergrad took me five years. ( Ironically, I did everything for the honors program except the final thesis...so it only made my coursework take longer because I had to do things like take an advanced math AND an advanced language...AND I voluntarily sold my soul to the HFAC by singing for BYU choir which was one credit but took the time of 5 or 6....) I have been engaged ( and not only once...but a little bit twice...) and I am still not married. To this point I've had very few good relationships, and no good relationships that lasted any considerable length of time... ( anyone getting depressed yet besides me? )

I metaphorically "stumble and fall" a lot. But my reaction when I was such a mess at the game was important...

I laughed.

I mean, come on...it's funny!! Of course there was a little pinch of "ouch. this is hitting a little too close to home..." and then I decided to shrug it off and to laugh. That decision was CRUCIAL to me enjoying the game- just like life. ( as in real life.) Now, I'm not going to pretend that throughout all the disasters of my life that I have always been able to laugh at my situation, but I think that my sense of humor helped me more than I can express, and that a general positive and optimistic attitude is vital to being happy. I might be a disaster...but at least I'm a disaster with a smile on my face who is laughing at herself. ( ALMOST as hard as everyone else....)

I also found it ironic that I was doing a lot better than I thought I was. This was partially due to the life tiles, but I think I also was being hard on myself and only recognizing when something bad happened, and only noticing the good things my parents were "doing".

Why are we so hard on ourselves? When I'm being honest I have to admit that I focus primarily on all the wonderful things that other people do- their talents, their accomplishments, their strengths, and then look at everything that I do wrong. I think that is in part because I don't KNOW what they do wrong, because I'm not always with them whereas I can't get rid of myself, but I also think that bottom line I'm hard on myself. I think we're ALL way too hard on ourselves. And at the end of the day...we're doing better than we think we are.

Also, I think there's something to be said for the fact that you don't get to see what you accomplished until the end of the game. I believe strongly that we are unaware of much of the good that we do, or at least the degree to which it impacts those around us, and that at the end of our life we will be blown away by all the good we accomplished and those we helped.

So yes. In many very real ways I am a total screw up. But overall? I think I'm winning :)

My unpopular decision

Alright, this might take some background:

It's not a secret that I was engaged until this past February.

And yes. I am still very much okay with that. Beyond okay, really. What was ironic was that everyone's concern for me started when I was coming out of the woods instead of during the year and a half PREVIOUS to the break up. It took me about two weeks, of what I will admit was crazy insane emotional pain. And then, what felt like almost instantly, my blinders came off and I became incredibly grateful for things turning out the way they should. I have been very, very happy ever since. But I digress.

What might be less known is that I started dating someone pretty quickly after my engagement break- a guy in my Boston ward named Mark Bean. We had a great relationship. Mark treated me incredibly well, we communicated very effectively, and we were great friends in addition to dating. We split amicably and with absolutely no drama because he was moving away for two years, and I had gotten into my program that will be keeping me here for at least two years. Our relationship was exactly what I needed to help heal, process, and to have a good taste in my mouth concerning relationships in general. I am so grateful tor the interaction and time we were afforded, and for the chance I had to get to know Mark as a person.

Then came: My unpopular decision.

I decided that for the summer I would not date. I mean, not that I wouldn't go on a date, but barring a piano falling on my head, I refused to get into anything even remotely resembling a relationship. At least for the summer. And even then...we'll see. Like...we'll take the summer and then it'll be up for review.

This decision elicited quite a reaction. Some were just extremely surprised while others considered it quite an irrational, rather irresponsible and/or self destructive choice. Others thought it just plain stupid. After all, I'm not getting any younger, and why would I take myself out of the running for a relationship when I'm sooo clearly running out of time....( don't get me started).

On a slightly more serious note, not only am I not 19, but I love being in a relationship. I am really intensely loyal, fiercely monogamous, and I get a sick amount of pleasure out of doing things for a boyfriend or whomever. Meaningful personal relationships, romantic or otherwise, are where I get my joy and where I find purpose. Most people that know me well know that about me- that I love relationships in every form. I don't want fifty thousand acquaintances- I seek to build relationships. This is why, I think, a lot of people were surprised by this decision. While it doesn't seem like a huge deal, it did feel like an odd thing to do. Moving the opposite direction on the spectrum, almost growing younger is not something I generally would want, or consider it smart, or even natural, to do.

So I thought the reasons for disapproval for my choice, varied from...well...to put it bluntly, asinine and kind of insulting, to understandable. And I got it. I mean, it made sense, knowing me. But I felt strongly that this was the best decision for me at that time. So, I ignored everyone. Shocking, I know. (As a side note- believe it or not, I DO listen. And legitimately consider. I simply reserve the right to utterly ignore.)

But moving on: This decision? Best decision of my life. I absolutely needed this time. I feel it was incredibly vital for me to reestablish my independence.I realized after a few weeks that I truly felt SINGLE. The reason I could tell? It was a BRAND new feeling! I suddenly became aware that I had not been, what I would consider truly single in a long time- arguably since I REALLY started dating. For the last six or seven years of my life, I honestly feel like I have 1. Been in a relationship 2. Been getting out of a relationship 3. Been "complicated" with someone 4. Been getting into a relationship 5. Majorly hung up on someone and therefore unable to really feel like I was "free" or 6. Any numerous combination of the above. I was tired. And I needed a break. It was an amazing feeling to feel obligated to NO ONE.

I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for knowing me better than I know myself- to know exactly what I need, and for guiding my life and decisions. It is times such as this that I realize how much I trust Him. The experiences I've had and the people I've been blessed to know could only have been so perfectly crafted by a loving Father in Heaven.

So. I'm single. And lovin' it.

This does not mean I'm going to become addicted to being single. All it means is that I'm really enjoyin' it. So if something or someone is going to drag me away? It's going to have to be good. Dang good :) :):)

Morality and Compassion- they are NOT opposing ideas!!!

Look out. I'm feeling pretty feisty today.....

So I've been having several interesting conversations with people as of late, that had a common theme: The notion that I, as a religious person, have fairly cut and dry ideas and beliefs of what is right and what is wrong- of what will make people happy vs what is simply instant gratification. Many people seem to equate this personality type as someone who is judgmental- who has no room for others in their life who do not live by the same set of "moral rules", and who view themselves as near perfect and are therefore, intrinsically hypocritical.


Although I do believe that this description is true of some religious and/or conservative people, I feel like it is equally as true of those who are not. So many are screaming for tolerance so loudly that they are completely ignoring their OWN intolerance. Why is it not my right to believe as I do? Where is your tolerance of me, and my beliefs? And for heavens sake, calm down and stop screaming because THAT is oppressive...


Ironically, although I have many, many things in my life that I am not proud of, that I know I need to work on, and that I am woefully inadequate at, I would have to say that compassion is one of my greatest strengths. Morality and rigid personal rules are not a necessary precursor to judgment. You can judge an action without judging a person. As I have gotten older, I have NOT become more liberal in my view of what is fundamentally right and wrong, but I'm more broad minded with how I view those who try and fail, for those who see things differently, etc.


Examples: Infidelity? Wrong. Stealing? Wrong. Sexual promiscuity? Wrong.


However, I don't think that given the right set of circumstances that I would be above those things. I would hope I'd have the strength to say no, but I'm not assuming that I would. I don't understand everyone's circumstances. I don't know their thoughts, feelings, hearts, emotions, etc. It doesn't make their actions right, it means that I might do the exact same thing if I were them because I'm a weak human, too. I know that there are good, sweet, amazing people that have done things that are very wrong. I have done many things that are just plain wrong. that doesn't negate who they are or I am as a human being. It is our humanity that gives us this weaknesses, as well as the inner moral courage to overcome them, and the compassion towards other to display forgiveness and mercy. Therefore morality and compassion are not mutually exclusive characteristics in me or anyone else.


Also, as a fun little...feminism side note: Also in these conversations, the topic of "typical male behavior" came up and what you would just have to let go because "men are men". I'm sorry...but I don't accept that. Biologically programmed or not, men are completely capable of controlling themselves. We overcome a good percentage of what our "biological" impulses. Is it NORMAL for a 2 year old to throw a tantrum? Well...yeah...but they are supposed to mature and not do that eventually. Is it normal to WANT to key someone's car when they screw you over? Yeah...but you don't do it. If you're hungry and someone's eating...do you want to steal their sandwich when they're not looking? Yeah...but you don't do it, because that would be immature, selfish and wrong. What makes us humans, not animals, is our self control. Men have that ability, too. Expect it from them. They're up to the challenge, I promise.

Also....on the other side of that...I am getting a little sick of men talking about how manipulative women are; the complaints that women are so incredibly irrational, and that all that is possibly wrong with this world is that women are just too darn emotional and have ruined everything. I do agree that women can be a big, fat, pain, and I don't exclude myself from that. In fact, in general, I prefer being with men over women. However...I do just want to quote...a favorite TV show in closing because it's pretty much exactly how I feel:

"I love men!... But you cannot ignore history. History has shown that, in general, it has been the men who have done the raping and the robbing and war mongering for the past 2000 years. It has been the men who have done the pillaging and the beheading and the subjugating of whole races into slavery. It has been the men who have done the law making, and the money making, and most of the mischief making. So, if the world isn't quite what you had in mind, then you have only yourselves to thank."

Single....again...and it's OK!!!!

Single again...

Consider this a public service announcement: Ashlie Elizabeth Stitt and Reed Parkinson have called off their wedding. Yes. I am single. And more importantly...yes! I am okay!!

Okay...let me back up a bit...

For those of you who were unaware, I have been involved with a man named Reed Parkinson for about a year and a half. We have been "informally engaged" to one degree or another for...many months...and made it official- ring and all this past December. A few days ago, Reed and I made a mutual and joint decision that we would no longer be getting married.

soo...what happened??

That is an excellent question. The best that I can tell you is this: It just wasn't right. We love each other very, very much....we have a ton of respect for each other...it just wasn't quite right. We could really easily try and bring it down to all ONE, CRUCIAL, flaw, move, characteristic, event....etc...but the bottom line is, this isn't a fable or a cautionary tale- there is no simple answer. Something was missing, and we could both feel it. It broke both of our hearts, but we're very confident that we did the right thing.

As soon as we broke up, it was like this HUGE wall came crashing down. We could talk again. We could communicate and be there for each other in a way we hadn't been able to for a long time. I found myself thinking...."I remember this!!! This was awesome!!!" While it seems a cruel irony that we break up and then our relationship gets great, it was a great affirmation that we had done the right thing. We spend the next few days spending almost every moment together, working things out, etc. There was no desperate attempt to say EVERYTHING you have to say RIGHT NOW...because...we're still talking.

My best friend:

Reed and I are now BEST friends. Odd? Maybe. Can we always talk as much as we currently are or be as involved as we are now? No. We can't. But for now, this works. We're close. And that feels sooo right.

So...who do we blame and who do we hate?

As tempting as it seems to be for us as humans to blame someone or be mad at someone, while I appreciate the notion of solidarity, there is no one to blame and there is no one to hate. In fact, someone hating Reed at this point would really hurt me. So as appreciated as the immediate comment "eeewww!! what a jerk!!!" before even hearing what happened is.....it's not necessary. Both of us said and did things we are not proud of. Both of us did our best. We tried really hard. We reacted, we made mistakes, we fought feelings that it wasn't right..and...it just didn't work out. It's all water under the bridge. Let's all move on.

Thank you

So I'm single again. That thought is...to be honest...a little discouraging, but the confidence that I did the right thing helps a lot. There is something better in store for me and for Reed. We will both find something else that makes us so happy. Our Father in Heaven knows best, and we're willing to trust him. The support that I've gotten from so many already has been so wonderful. I greatly appreciate the love, the support, and the encouraging words I have received from so many of you. Thank you for your love. I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends, family, and loved ones.

The Max factor!!

I did it!!! I gound a legal, above board way to get a kitten!

So one bright, crisp morning I was getting ready for class. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I was humming my favorite hymn. I went to go get my clothes from my closet to get dressed for the day (my closet is actually just outside my bedroom) and as I open my bedroom door to access my closet….I see a little furry rodent, namely a mouse, scurry in before me. I let out the most obnoxiously girl-ish, high pitched scream- possibly the most annoying sound I’ve ever made, and refused to go anywhere near my closet. That’s right. A mouse commandeered my closet. I told him that if I came home and he’d been sewing me a gown for the ball, all would be forgiven.

That’s not what he was doing.

We’d been having mice problems before that, and they kept getting worse the colder it got. So finally our land lord agreed that the best possible solution was a little furry, purry mouse hunter.
Enter: Max!
I adopted Max, whose original name was Cookie from the MSPCA ( Massachusetts SPCA) . He was 14 weeks when I adopted him back on Sept 28, making him almost 17 weeks now. So a little over 4 months. In the nearly four weeks that I’ve owned him he’s gotten SOOO big!!! But he’s still a little baby. When I took him home and saw him next to a real grown up cat he suddenly looked TINY!!!

Little Max is a little purr box!!! He purrs ALLLLL the time and VERY VERY loudly!!!! For the first few weeks he’s been SUPER mellow. Playful, but pretty chill most of the time. He loves the car and rides in it for hours and hours just lying on the seat and not bugging anyone. The last week he’s gotten rather naughty. I come home from school everyday to find everything I own knocked on the floor. His new favorite game has been throwing his litter EVERYWHERE. It’s…..cute….

Max has big floppy paws that are too big for his body. He has a white chest and all white paws. He likes to sit very tall and proud and errect- he looks very proper and like a little gentleman in a tuxedo and white gloves.

He’s super playful, and loves to hide behind things and jump out and attack your leg when you walk by. He loves to smell my mouth and sticks his whole little tiny head inside my mouth. His head’s getting to big to do that now, but he still tries. He also puts his paws all over my face when I’m holding him facing me.

He can jump SUPER high, particularly if he’s on my bed. He’s a cuddler, and really likes to kick me off my pillow at night.

NOTHING scares him. Doors slamming, balloons popping when he’s playing with them, loud noise...the little punk is totally FEARLESS!!!

He’s also totally intrigued by the kitten in the mirror. He likes to check behind the mirror to see if that’s where the kitten is. Recently I moved my mirror off the ground to sit on my window ledge, and that was REALLY a curve ball- Now the kitten was in the AIR!! Max could only see him when he was on my desk or on my bed! How did that kitten get up there?!!?

Max also loves to attack my big knot of hair- I’ll pull my hair in a big messy bun I’ll be doing homework or watching tv or whatever and suddenly I"ll feel two little paws attacking my bun. He totally declares war on my curls. He’s out for blood. Thank goodness my hair is thick and my bun is pretty big or he’d probably remove my scalp.

Oh…and those mice? He didn’t even have to catch any. Those mice sensed Max, and got the heck out of dodge.I love my little baby Max!!!! Naughty though he may be, I just can’t stay mad at him!!

It's been so long...

Hello everyone!! I am back! It has been quite some time since I have gone on one of my maniacal rants, so I decided it was definitely time to come back!
Well for those of you not stalking me and in the know, I have moved from Provo, Utah to Boston, Massachusetts! GO SOX!I am actually living in Brighton, MA which is just barely east of down town Boston. I am attending Boston University to get my masters in School and Community Counseling. GO TERRIERS!! This will lead me into any number of different possible careers, and I have not even remotely decided between them, so don't bother asking yet. I know I want to work with teenagers, preferably ones that are labeled high risk in some way. What can I say? Normal is boring. It is a one year "intensive program" ( translation: we absolutely kick your trash for the entire time you're here) where you do your course work and your internship all at the same time. I am interning at English High School- the very first public school in America. Do not be fooled- more than historical it is G-H-E-T-T-O. We're talkin' there is a fairly even split between Latino and black students, and then, as it was phrased to me by one of the permanent school counselors, " And then we have...MAYBE three white kids."
Me: " wait...three percent? or three...total?"
Counselor: " Oh, no. Three total. Three people."
The headmaster is a big, hugely energetic, super positive black guy who took one look at me and said ."....uh oh. you're a little size not so big aren't you? you're not going to faint, or pass out, or cry on me are you?" I assured him I've seen all kinds of fits and had all kinds of kids ALL kinds of mad at me in the past. Bring it. ( He seemed pretty satisfied with that response)
Other than than, I have moved into a HUGE and BEAUTIFUL house. It is seriously giant. One kid that came to a party here last night said, " Wow. It looks like one of the Harvard buildings!" The house is four stories and is divided into two groups with separate entrances, etc. There are five of us on the top two floors, and four girls on the lower two. All the girls in this house and the house next door are all members of my church. I am TOTALLY LOVING my roommates. I get along particularly well with two of them and we are having a ball. There was a HUGE party at my house last night that was ridiculously "off the hook" as my lovely roommate Molly says. Those of you who know me well are probably not surprised that I spent about...1/3 of that time hiding in my roommate Courtney's room...and the entire last 30-45 minutes in my room. In my pajamas. Really just wishing everyone would get the heck out of my house. Yeah, that's right. I'm a party animal.
Well that's where I am, and what I'm up to. Life is good.

However, what would an Ashlie blog be if I did not get up on my soap box about something. So a few things, increasing in their seriousness as they go.
A: Driving in Boston: Insane. The only entity that can survive in this place without getting tragically lost is a GPS system. (that's right. they speak. they have accents. as far as I'm concerned, they're entities) I have now purchased a GPS system. This will save my life...probably literally.
B:Last night I was told that I look like an Osmond. As in the Osmond family. Donny, Marie...etc. I have NEVER gotten that before. This is very curious to me....
C: I am beyond sick of hearing about Michael Jackson. Seriously. Let it go people. There are about 85 million more newsworthy topics. Let it die.
D: Welcome back to higher education in a place where most people are not religious. I have a class that is about the theory and practice of counseling. My teacher is the head of the department, has a PHD and is clearly an EXTREMELY intelligent woman. She is, however, on the younger side, and in the two, three hour sessions of class, she has used the F word...no less than 30 times. This...to me....just seems a bit excessive. I'll grant you...and may heaven strike me dead for saying it..her swearing is usually amusing. It's not like..angry, or offensive because you feel like she's upset or a totally explosive person. It's pretty mellow, entertaining-ESE in nature. But at this point, I just feel it is beyond over the top. And in bad taste.
E: Last and finally. In this same class we were discussing the contextual model of psychotherapy which basically states that it doesn't matter which of the many many models of psychotherapy you choose from which to work so long as you are relatively consistent and that certain common factors are always in practice as they are responsible for the largest percentage of efficacy in therapy. One of these common factors is that you, as the counselor, and your client need to believe in what you're doing and that it will provide some kind of relief from whatever problems the client is experiencing. Our teacher posed to us a question that had once been asked of her.
"If a client came to you and legitimately believed in their heart and soul that they were possessed with some kind of evil spirit, would you feel comfortable prescribing exorcism and sending them to an exorcist?"
This discussion went several directions, one of which made me very uncomfortable. The girl (sitting RIGHT next to me..AWKWARD...) said that no, she wouldn't because she's not a religious person, quite the opposite actually, and went on to give her view that she would not work with a religious person because she couldn't believe that religion would help them, and therefore would be compromising her own set of beliefs and standards to work with them. However, she also CLEARLY expected for it to work the other direction (as in that I as a religious person could not be so close minded as to not with a non religious population.)
This was just infuriating to me on so many levels. First of all, which I brought up, this person coming to therapy believe they are possessed is not necessarily so religious. In fact, it might be because they are NOT so very religious that they are believing that they are possessed. We don't know, we don't have enough specifics, this is a pretty broad question that all of us would probably need to take in a lot of specific situational factors to come up with an answer we were comfortable with. However, even if this person WAS so very religious, I am really sick of the stigma placed on "religious people" that we are so very hard to work with, and so very "boxed in" in our ideas. How completely exclusive and close minded of my classmate to refuse to "compromise her own set of beliefs" to work with someone who believed that religion would help them. I must not force region on my clients, because that's close minded ( which I agree with in the professional world, you shouldn't do that) but it doesn't work both ways. Either you're inclusive in your clientele or you're not.
The other things is that according to when I last checked last on an NBC study, 90% of Americans did not want "In God we trust" removed from being the US motto. Non religious people are not the majority, they are simply making the most noise.
For those of you dying to know: I did say something. Super nicely,and several comments later so it was not directed right at this girl. We still sit next to each other and play nice and all get along just great. ( You basically share every class with these people, so making enemies is not so wise).But still none the less, I made my point. The old Ashlie still lives.

the PG girl interrupted

I'd like to take the opportunity to make some requests of people in general. These requests are broad, but all have something to do with the concept of dating/relationships/flirting. These have arisen from problems I have had or that close friends of mine have had, or both.

Buckle up:

First of all: Leave single people ALONE.
Recently the fact that I am single has become of increasing interest to...well pretty much EVERYONE around me. I have been the victim of the deep and well intentioned, but severely annoying, concern of others. I am realizing that I am reaching a rather pivotal age. People are starting to see that I am getting older- I am past due in getting married, but not beyond hope yet. I am past due, but not expired. My eggs are still viable.There's still a little time... so they've gotta HURRY!
Recently I sat in complete stunned silence as an office full of men I work with (none of whom would have any personal reason for checking) told me that one of the first things, if not the first thing they noticed about me was that I wasn't wearing a ring AND that as time passed and they got to know me it became a very pressing concern to them- something they needed to fix. That is just disturbing on a number of different levels. On a very basic level...why are you starting at my hands?....
In that conversation(and from many people before and since) some variation of the following question was posed

" How is a pretty thing like you not married?"

While that is probably intended as, and might sound like a compliment, it's really not. It's not only rude, but incredibly awkward when the asker actually WAITS for answer...(as though you'd have one prepared or really have any idea why you're not married....)
First of all, girl you're talking to probably disagrees with the statement of her alleged good looks. She now has NO idea what to say as the already awkward feeling of receiving a compliment she doesn't agree with is now compounded by the fact that she knows she should just say thank you, but is having difficulty doing so because she's kind of insulted. If your object was to stun her into silence and immobility, mission accomplished.
When and if you ask this question you have just, although perhaps unwittingly, very strongly implied that there is something wrong with her. By asking the question in the first place you have ruled out the possibility that it just hasn't been right for her to get married yet or that past relationships have just not worked out through no real fault of her own. I think when everyone is being practical and honest they will admit that there is a lot more to getting married than just being attractive, and even if she is a beautiful girl there could be many reasons (none of which have anything to do with her focus on education, her personality, her "intimidation" factor, or anything else like that) that she is not married yet.However, if you're expecting an answer from her, you're also expecting that she HAS the answer which means it's something identifiable and concrete. You've also just taken something that is REALLY complicated and simplified it down to a " do you like me? check yes or no" kind of level. Getting married is complex because people are complex. If marriage for her should be simple it kind of indirectly implies that she is simple, and that's insulting.(I realize that's not as it's intended and is kind of a stretch, but since when are girls rational?)
I'd also like to point out that while marriage is clearly a wonderful thing and a marvelous goal, the implication that you are somehow bizarre, out of place, that your lack of husband DEFINES you, is the FIRST thing people notice...or is something that is of such a deep and wild concern that everyone around you is going to immediately take it upon themselves to analyze and remedy the situation is kind of degrading. I'd like to think I'm worthwhile and can make a difference in people's lives before I'm married, too. Feeling an incessant need to try and fix this problem by setting your single friends up on countless dates is very counter-productive. People need to work and fix their own problems, if it even is a "problem", which it probably isn't. And even if it is, and they're too career or education driven, too intimidating, too picky (my favorite) or whatever...guess what? odds are, it's NONE of your business.
It's also probably important to mention that some girls are very upset that they aren't married, and don't want you bringing it up and reminding them. This isn't true in my case, but the question in itself represents a level of insensitivity- It's really none of your business and is a really emotional and difficult issue for some. Don't try and touch on something that could be a very real source of pain with someone you barely know. kinda mocks the pain.

Next: Places you do NOT flirt

1. From car to car: I gotta tell you...I am deeply offended by car flirting. You're sitting at a light or you're driving next to each other and some guy honks his horn or, is being visually "flirty" through the window. Seriously? Either run me off the road and get my number or stop. This is a waste of my time, is going a whole lot of no where, makes me feel kind of cheap, and is now growing exponentially in awkwardness because the natural course of Ashlie's life demands that we continue getting stopped at EVERY SINGLE red light together. There's no point. Makes me feel cheap. Don't do it.

2. In the temple. Seriously- don't flirt in the temple. Do not ask for someone's number in the temple. Do not wink at people you do not know in the temple, or make the entire experience awkward by continually watching someone. Pay attention. Find someone to bring to the temple to marry LATER. It's kind of sad that I have to bring this up...but...there's precedence. Let's just leave it at that.

3. In front of clients: for me this is especially true because I’m working with teenaged boys who are already sex maniacs,and your attempts to flirt in front of them is like expressed permission for THEM to try, but this is true anywhere. I don't want to watch people hit on each other instead of bagging my groceries so I can get out of the store and on with me life etc. Depending on your job you might be able to get away with this a little more or less, but...there is a time and a place. Be professional

OTHER THINGS YOU DO NOT DO:
- Make out at the temple, on or off the grounds, in the parking lot or parked nearby. just...don't.
- Make out anywhere, publically. Being sweet is one thing. Instigating violent illness in others is not okay.
- Another one I've actually had people say: the reason I'm good at what I do or that my students listen to me is because my they "think I'm hot". Do not tell ANY teacher that. Those who have made that comment to me have dismmissed any talent, effort, or hard work on my part and made me eye candy. Once again. Cheap. Degrading. Perhaps a more shallow person who puts their entire worth on their looks would be flattered by this statement...but let's hope you're not hanging out with people like that.
- do NOT imply that just because you think a girl is attractive that she must be a heart-breaker. Maybe she is, and maybe it's her fault but maybe she's had her little heart pulverized. Leave her alone.
In general I think this problem arises from people not wanting to just simply say, "I think you're pretty/beautiful/whatever" because that's scary. Instead they have to accompany it with some kind of other statement to make it "less awkward". (ie: I'm going to ask why you’re not married, say you're a heart breaker, tell you that the only reason your students listen to you is because you're pretty. )*insert swoon here. Scary though it may be, if you really think she's pretty and you want her to know, she'll be much more impressed if you just tell her. Which brings me to my next point.
-Be careful with your compliments- keep them simple, keep them sincere. And until you're in a committed relationship, avoid intense extremes. I don't care if she really is the most beautiful thing you've ever laid eyes on...maybe don't mention it in QUITE those words. Also, mentioning something OTHER than her looks will go a LONG way. She wants you to know HER- not her face, and not her body. Again- she'll be much more impressed with a compliment that took more than two seconds to notice about her.

Conclusion: do not cheapen a girl down to it being all about her looks. do not flirt in stupid places, and if you think a girl is pretty, just freakin' tell her. Oh-and leave your single friends ALONE.