Thursday, August 4, 2011


You gotta always love those moments in life where you just have to go "... really?"

You know...the moments where someone does or says something that makes you look around to check and make sure that 1. everyone just saw/heard the same thing you just did and 2. that they're having a hard time believing it as well...

There's also the ones that aren't as mind blowing but that are just...annoying. irritating. Unnecessary.

I'd like to share some of my recent "...really?" moments :

1. This is a pretty common one but it bothers me more than is warranted:
Someone sends an fyi email at work- an update on a situation or whatever. and two or three people feel the need to hit "reply all" and say " thanks!" or "got it" or whatever. Seriously?? the whole office does not need to thirty emails a day that say one or two words and that have nothing to with them. My personal favorite is when it goes on even longer than that. Example. A co-worker emailed a bunch of us asking for someone to cover something for her. Someone hit reply all to say they'd do it (that's understandable because now we all know it's covered.) But then we all got 4 or 5 more "reply all" emails as they worked out the details. ...really?

2. So that one is kind of dumb but here's one that's far more serious.
As many of you know I work for a domestic violence and sexual assault agency called Voices Against Violence. I'm specifically their rape crisis counselor but most of our clients primarily identify with domestic violence over sexual assault so I do both. This week I took a client to court. She has a baby with her perpetrator and she'd had a year long restraining order against him for herself, but not their daughter who he was still allowed to have visits with. However recently there'd been a lot of evidence that he was being abusive to their daughter as well ( who, by the way, is officially the fattest, cutest, little ball of baby pudge I've ever seen in my life. 22 months old and has to weigh like half of what I do.) So we were going to court to hopefully revise the visitation so that his visits had to be supervised. This whole event led to several "...really?' moments.

First of all, both the father and the court were being ridiculously difficult. First there had been an entirely different court date that he claimed to know nothing about ( despite the fact that she'd told him several times). The court then decided that since they didn't have an address for him and he refused to give one that it was HER job to serve him the papers to appear. That's right. This little 18 year old girl, who had a year long restraining order on this guy that expired 1 week ago is supposed to SERVE this guy papers stating that she's claiming he's abusing their daughter and she's taking him to court. Oh, and they suggest that she do this when she's meeting him to give him her daughter for a visit. So get him good and mad JUST as he's taking your 22 month old daughter. ...really?

So the poor thing is brave enough to serve him. We get to court. and the woman we have to register with says that it has to have a sheriff's signature saying he was served ( ...but a sheriff didn't serve him...). When I pushed it, she says that if he's willing to sign it stating he received the papers, and IF he has ID and IF she can find a notary we can go forward. But, she says, if he wants to claim he was never served he can do that. So she basically GIVES him the idea to lie. .......really?

Now this punk kid is STANDING there....AT his court date. Meaning he knew when and where to come. And not only that, he's HOLDING the copy of the papers in his hands. Where else would he have gotten them? As soon as this woman says he can claim he never got them, he puts the papers behind his back ( if they can't see them, they're not there....) and says " She never gave it to me" ........really?

So I say " she never gave you what?" and the kid (as I was hoping he'd be dense enough to do) pulls the papers out from behind his back and says "the papers. She never gave them to me." .......really?

SoI ask him where he got them then and he gets all flustered and I just have the kid on the ropes when the stupid registry woman says "well he still doesn't have to sign it if he doesn't want to." ...are yous till talking??? So I give him my teacher/mom look...the classic "you-will-do-what-I-say-or-something-unspeakable-will-befall-you" look and say " are you seriously going to drag this process out longer? Sign the paper. Or we'll all just have to come back yet again because we're not dropping this." So he shows TWO forms of a friggin' notary...and reads this like..three lined document over for about 30 minutes he finally signs it and we're allowed to proceed. ...really?

Believe it or gets better...

So because they were trying to settle it without appearing before a judge they met with a probation officer first. Since the restraining order is no longer in effect I wasn't allowed to go in with her. But she comes out and tells me that the father took the opportunity to ask to be awarded 10 more hours of visitation per week. Not only was this not the forum for that, but we'd all DRAGGED ourselves down there in the first place to determine if he was even going to be ALLOWED to see his daughter without supervision. And he decides that NOW would be a good time to ask for more visit hours........really?

3. A lighter one: A couple of months ago my boyfriend and I went out to dinner. As we were waiting to be seated a man came out who had just finished eating and was leaving. As he passed the hostess station, without slowing down or missing a beat, he sticks his whole, rather large, hand into the dish of after-dinner mints, and pulls out such a large handful that he has to use both of his hands to contain it, and then continues to walk out without so much as batting an eyelash. I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard. I mean...really?

4. People who use the break down lane as their own personal fast lane during rush hour. ...really?

5. An honest to goodness line from a resume (and no I didn't get this from a website or something) " I have been passionately thinking about volunteering for the last 10 years." ....really?

6. So. y'all know about my cat, Max. Because I seem to believe that he is actually my child, and in order to keep him very healthy and me free of huge vet bills, I buy him rather expensive cat food. If you buy it in the super large bags it's not that much more expensive and keeps him healthy. I used to feed him "Science Diet", but then once after he spent some time with my parents whose cats eat an even slightly more expensive and healthy brand called "Blue", my mom mentioned that he had really liked it and I might want to consider switching him to that. Well, boy was she not kidding. I purchased a huge 15 lb bag of it but was continuing to feed him the science diet until I ran out. Without any front claws, so all with his teeth, that punk ripped around the entire circumference of the bag to get to the blue food. and I didn't realize it until i went to pick it up one day and this 35 dollar bag of food went EVERYWHERE...really Max?

Since then he's been on the Blue and I'd tried to keep the bag out of his line of vision and we'd had no further problems. Until recently. One day I apparently didn't leave him enough food and he ran out before I got home ( before you feel sorry for him, please realize that he's a little piggy and already eats way too much.) He found the bag of food and started to rip it open again. So I put it up on a shelf , put a bag around it, and put a towel over it. In the middle of the night I heard him getting into it again, so I re wrapped it all up, and wrapped the entire bag with three blankets. Wrapped- not just laid the blankets over, but wrapped all the way around so the weight of the bag was holding the blankets in place. I woke up to find that he had somehow managed the get it unwrapped from three blankets, had bitten through the bag and had chewed a huge gaping hole in bag of food as well. Now only if I could get him doing all this on tape I could sell it to "Blue" and it could be a commerical showing what a cat will do to get their food...

Oh. And by the way...his bowl of food? Totally full.



  1. Yay Ashlie is still alive!

    1 - Isn't reply all fun? We send out a company email for a summer party and in it there is always a question asking about what t-shirt size each family needs and it's amazing how many people reply all to a company wide email (~400 people). I think they disabled it now from being able to use reply all with.

    2 - Courts are a hassle and everything is backwards. It sucks when a kid is involved.

    3 - I recommend you not peeing your pants in front of your boyfriend.

    And lastly cats get into everything. I used to hide stuff in cabinets but mine figured out how to open them. Luckily he grew bored of it but it used to be so bad every morning finding the toilet paper shredded along with everything pulled out of all the cabinets. I say just put the bag of food in a pantry with a door or in a high cabinet of some sort. If all else fails lock it in the bathroom. Most cats never figure out doorknobs.

  2. You are a crack up. You have such a gift with story-telling. Love it. Love you.